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summer is for studying, apparently.
Jun. 9th, 2026 04:46 pmthe most important development i think i should share is that i finally figured out how to grab my old photos from photobucket without giving them any money. i was hoping to find some old cringey point-and-shoot mirror pics, but instead i found a ton of old graphics i made in photoshop. a lot of them were requests from old forums where i ran blend shops (!) but a few were just wallpapers i made myself for fun. i also had a lot of michael jackson graphics (and a ton of icons posted on an old LJ community) from the summer he died and i'd wound up very immersed in his music and persona. funny enough, with the biopic having just come out and his work having quite the renaissance, i'm back in the same old phase. so i cropped one of my old signatures into an icon to use here on an LJ-esque website for old time's sake. LOL.
while i wait on admissions decisions and relentlessly apply to jobs that will give me more hours (still with no luck), i'm also starting to re-teach myself all of the science i have definitely forgotten from high school and undergrad -- or never understood in the first place! i am realizing pretty quickly that i never applied myself in high school. i've been reviewing basic chemistry -- things like what an isotope is and how energy shells work -- and if i'm being honest i never truly learned this stuff. i definitely remember being taught these things, but i've had absolutely no conceptual understanding of them for all these years. IDFK how i got through gen chem in college, let alone ochem. i'm hoping that having a better grasp on the fundamentals will make it easier for me later on... the same is true for physics, which i've never been good at. it's already making my head hurt so much.
of course all of this has come with a healthy dose of "WTF are you even doing this for?" i've been so plagued with insecurity over reaching my goals -- which, yes, are far away, but really they are totally manageable for me as long as i work hard. it's frustrating having to re-learn optimism every time i have a major crisis of faith over all of this, which has been pretty often. in the last two weeks alone i've probably repeated "the universe is not against you" to myself at least twice a day. i understand that this anxiety is normal for me while i'm in an interim phase (and probably will be for at least another month) but it's also exhausting and i worry about the overall effects this stress is having on me.
anyway, all i can really control is how much effort i'm putting into studying so i can set myself up well for upper division sciences and the studying i'll have to do later. and so far that's been going well.
other than all that, life has been pretty fun outside of my house. one thing i noticed is that i have really been back in the movie theater this year. i watched michael more than once (how could i not?!): once with my best friend, then with my best friend and sister, and then with my cousin who also has been going through major michosis lately. and it was worth it every time just from how fun the music is. i know it's probably just a cash grab for his shitty estate, but i do appreciate his nephew and what his own mission was for his performance. then i saw obsession with friends last week. i forgot how fun it is to watch horror in theaters with a lot of people...but i always have too much pride to cover my eyes and end up more scared. i'm still trying to see backrooms too (which i keep calling 'backdoors' now thanks to my cousin misremembering the name). and apparently next week, i'm seeing toy story 5 for father's day -- which is crazy, because i remember when we saw toy story 3 on father's day in like 2010. my dad was pretty critical of the last one so we'll see what he has to say about this one lol.
oh, i've also been playing tomodachi life like crazy. it's gotten to a point where i need to impose rules around when i touch my switch, because if i don't then i just play all day. i understand now why my mom always hid our video game consoles during the week. 'cause my ass would not have gotten ANY schoolwork done. of course, i am unnaturally invested in all of my miis and their lives and have made fanart of them... surely i'm not the only one doing that.
other good things to keep my mental positivity going. we celebrated my grandma's 98th birthday this past weekend. i'm going to a baseball game this weekend. i'm baking banana bread, but i forgot to sprinkle brown sugar on top before i put it in the oven. i have spin tonight which i'm hoping won't be too rough on my body since i just went yesterday, but movement is better than no movement?! WELP. and i really want to write a fic or draw comics so maybe i'll try and flesh that out later. OKAY BYE UNTIL NEXT TIME WHICH IS HOPEFULLY NOT TOO LONG FROM NOW.
while i wait on admissions decisions and relentlessly apply to jobs that will give me more hours (still with no luck), i'm also starting to re-teach myself all of the science i have definitely forgotten from high school and undergrad -- or never understood in the first place! i am realizing pretty quickly that i never applied myself in high school. i've been reviewing basic chemistry -- things like what an isotope is and how energy shells work -- and if i'm being honest i never truly learned this stuff. i definitely remember being taught these things, but i've had absolutely no conceptual understanding of them for all these years. IDFK how i got through gen chem in college, let alone ochem. i'm hoping that having a better grasp on the fundamentals will make it easier for me later on... the same is true for physics, which i've never been good at. it's already making my head hurt so much.
of course all of this has come with a healthy dose of "WTF are you even doing this for?" i've been so plagued with insecurity over reaching my goals -- which, yes, are far away, but really they are totally manageable for me as long as i work hard. it's frustrating having to re-learn optimism every time i have a major crisis of faith over all of this, which has been pretty often. in the last two weeks alone i've probably repeated "the universe is not against you" to myself at least twice a day. i understand that this anxiety is normal for me while i'm in an interim phase (and probably will be for at least another month) but it's also exhausting and i worry about the overall effects this stress is having on me.
anyway, all i can really control is how much effort i'm putting into studying so i can set myself up well for upper division sciences and the studying i'll have to do later. and so far that's been going well.
other than all that, life has been pretty fun outside of my house. one thing i noticed is that i have really been back in the movie theater this year. i watched michael more than once (how could i not?!): once with my best friend, then with my best friend and sister, and then with my cousin who also has been going through major michosis lately. and it was worth it every time just from how fun the music is. i know it's probably just a cash grab for his shitty estate, but i do appreciate his nephew and what his own mission was for his performance. then i saw obsession with friends last week. i forgot how fun it is to watch horror in theaters with a lot of people...but i always have too much pride to cover my eyes and end up more scared. i'm still trying to see backrooms too (which i keep calling 'backdoors' now thanks to my cousin misremembering the name). and apparently next week, i'm seeing toy story 5 for father's day -- which is crazy, because i remember when we saw toy story 3 on father's day in like 2010. my dad was pretty critical of the last one so we'll see what he has to say about this one lol.
oh, i've also been playing tomodachi life like crazy. it's gotten to a point where i need to impose rules around when i touch my switch, because if i don't then i just play all day. i understand now why my mom always hid our video game consoles during the week. 'cause my ass would not have gotten ANY schoolwork done. of course, i am unnaturally invested in all of my miis and their lives and have made fanart of them... surely i'm not the only one doing that.
other good things to keep my mental positivity going. we celebrated my grandma's 98th birthday this past weekend. i'm going to a baseball game this weekend. i'm baking banana bread, but i forgot to sprinkle brown sugar on top before i put it in the oven. i have spin tonight which i'm hoping won't be too rough on my body since i just went yesterday, but movement is better than no movement?! WELP. and i really want to write a fic or draw comics so maybe i'll try and flesh that out later. OKAY BYE UNTIL NEXT TIME WHICH IS HOPEFULLY NOT TOO LONG FROM NOW.
